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I feel hopeless, I'm hardly happy and when I am I can't be… - WHEN ALL HOPES DIE

Dec. 29th, 2010

04:48 pm

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I feel hopeless, I'm hardly happy and when I am I can't be continuously happy.
Life sucks. I hate how my mother is mentally sick, I hate her for not being able to protect me from what happened.
My boyfriend can be great for the most part but sometimes he makes me so mad I want to slam a bottle against his stupid head.
Yeah well fuck him, I know I'm not thin, or w.e enough and I know I have issues remembering stuff. BUT why can't he understand that MY FUCKING MONEY supports his FUCKING ASSSO THAT he can go to school AND I CAN'T!
Yeah I have to deal with his fucking anger problems I feel like I'm suffocating also I hate the people I work with I have to deal with so much fucking disrespect I wish I could cut off my ears so I don't have to listen to bullshit anymore. I work so goddamn hard and no-one FUCKING SEES THAT. Its also sad that the only way to comfort myself is puking and running on a treadmill.
I feel alone..


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Date:December 31st, 2010 03:26 pm (UTC)

From a stranger

You aren't alone. I often feel under-appreciated, and angry at what the world doesn't see. You'll always have time, and in time things always work out the way that they should. I know that sounds like some crappy line out of a motivational speaking book, but it's true. I've been working at my job for two years without so much of a raise, and just when I thought I couldn't take it anymore I got a new boss. He pulled me aside and realizes just how much work I do compared to everyone else, so since I stuck with the company granted all of the crap, I think it will work out for me in the end.

May I suggest comforting yourself in a better way? Treadmills are great for anger, because running releases a lot of bad energy. But puking is not so good, and I'm sure you know that. Oddly enough, when I would get angry, counting really helped me while thinking about the situation as a whole, and when I got time, especially before bed, I would meditate. It helped me a lot when I was younger (I don't know how old you are, I'm 23).

I think you should take some time for yourself to reflect on what it is you really want out of life, and the best options you have. It doesn't sound like your boyfriend is very nice, because going to school on your dime and calling you fat aren't exactly pro's (to me). Either way, I know it time you'll be okay, it's just about being patient, and taking it one day at a time. I hope it is sooner than later for you!

On a side note, I don't know the situation with your Mother, but just remember that you only have one, and sometimes by the time you are ready to forgive they aren't there anymore. Good luck with everything!
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